Friday, May 4, 2007

Good Evening, Sirs.



We received out first comment recently from "night."
Hello, night. How are you, sir or madam?

Here is her/his comment:

Dear Mr. Poochles,
Your article was very interesting & I especially am interested in hearing where you stand on the political issues. So far your anti-bunny mention is a thumbs up for me. It is comendable that you finished obedience class! Hurray for you my friend.
If I may be so bold as to address you as Sebastian,I think you would make a good president since I am sure you know lots more right now than the one we have. Perhaps the first order of business you can tackle would be to work on those laws governing the pet adoptions. They really are annoying. Also it would be greatly appreciated if you can do something about the hotels that do not allow pets. I am so tired of sneaking my 12lb dog thru back doors in a large duffle bag. I would gladly pay for extra fee.
I look forward to reading more on your history etc. For now I shall say goodbye & it was a pleasure writing this comment to you.

Let's address some issue raised:

I'm glad my Anti-Bunny political stance pleases you. For too long, the wibbling noses and wanton breeding of the bunnies has oppressed all right-thinking people. Generations of Poochles have chased the bunnies through tall grass and flushed them out into the open to face the consequences for their actions. I am pleased to continue that tradition.

I am also pleased to have finished obedience school. I have to admit I was not first in my class. Other breeds behave better or faster than bassets. We are a stubborn people, and while many people link that to being dim, I link it strongly with being lazy.
And sometime I still have accidents on the floor.

My close associates tell me I am nearly 4% smarter than the current president. Virtually every one tells me I am moderately better spoken and generally more stinky than him.

I myself have been sneaked into hotels that do not allow dogs. It was demeaning. I pledge to change laws about dogs in all manner of hotels. And not just for little yappy dogs like chihuahaus, but for real, big dogs like Great Danes and Alsatians.

Hams to you, night.

I would also like to use this opportunity to answer some other questions put to me privately:

Quest.: Are you single?
Ans.: Yes. I have in the past been closely linked to Daisy the Basset, but she was a crazy bitch. She kept biting my butt, so she had to go. See picture above.
I have also had a long-standing admiration of Miss Flannery, but she, alas, will have nothing to do with me.
I suppose since the Big Snip it sort of doesn't matter.

Quest.: What are your living arrangements?
Ans.: I am cared for by Mister Sir. He feeds me, picks up my poop and rubs my belly. He is satisfactory.

Comment: Mr Poochles, I am Jewish. I find it vaguely offensive to be offered hams.
Ans.: My hams are purely metaphorical. I would never offer real hams, as I would eat them. If it makes you feel better about it, think of it as a large steak or well-cured bean curd.

Hams to you and your loved ones,

Sebastian K Poochles

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Future President Sebastian,
I just read your latest article. The photo of you in the hat made me think of Gene Kelly! You look fantastic.

Regarding your accidents on the floor...not to worry. I have an Uncle who does that.

When I read about the 4% statistic I jumped with joy. I knew you were smarter, there was never a doubt in my mind.

Regarding your campaign promises, I will hold you to your word on changing the laws about dogs in hotels. That is a serious issue for certain and it should not fall into the cracks and disappear.

It is good to hear you are single. I just might have a cute bitch for you sometime soon. Would you have a problem with a pre-arranged marriage? Also please don't dismiss your sexually because of the "big snip". I've had 3 Labs, they all had the "snip" and they all found love and happiness with other males. Yes it's true! My dogs were all gay and I am damn proud of them. Think about it my friend!

Question: I was wondering...since you are cared for, do you not feel that in actuality you are the one in charge. Afterall, they are feeding you, grooming you, housing you and cleaning your poop. It would appear that you are the "Master of the house".

Another Question: What is your favorite song? My Labs loved "Who let the dogs out". I was curious as to what your choice would be.

I await your next article. As always, it was a pleasure.